I’m not very big on celebrating my birthday anymore. I guess it’s part of growing up. Like it or not, some parts of you change as time passes. I hit 30 last Monday. A year older and perhaps wiser as everybody says. Despite the fact that I chose not to blow the candles on my day, I couldn’t be more grateful to have reached this age. My 20s was one hell of a ride! To bid adieu to my 20s, I’ve come up with a list of lessons I learned as I went through the last chapters of my life as a 20-something girl. I don’t know who needs to hear them but I’ll just leave them here.Continue reading “30 Things I Learned Before Turning 30”
I’ve been married for almost 5 years now and I’ve never been sexually violated. Needless to say, my husband isn’t a saint but he has never forced me to have sex with him. He never treats me like an object. Even if I walk around the house in my birthday suit, he doesn’t assume that I want him to do it with me. He can tell when I want it by dropping him hints. Even if he wants to do it but I am not in my best condition, he doesn’t sulk. For that, I try to satisfy him on my own accord. He does the same thing for me. And when we do make love, he doesn’t force me to do things just to please him. We do it like a song that follows a rhythm. Making love with him has never made me feel less about myself.
I guess I’m just so lucky to find someone who values his woman more than his ego. A man who doesn’t think he is above me. A man that doesn’t allow his sexual urges to get the better of him. He is mature enough to understand that just because I am his wife doesn’t mean he can do whatever he wants to my body. Or maybe I love myself enough that I chose him. Marrying him is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made for myself. I wonder what he was thinking about me when we were still dating.
I love being married to him. It’s not hard for him to forgive me whenever I snap at him. I’m an emotional person and he’s quite the opposite. But he tries his best to be lenient with me. He doesn’t act arrogant and ask me to do something sensual in return for all the good things he’s done to me and my family. He doesn’t care if I don’t wear any makeup. In fact, it’s what he prefers. He’s learning to pick out the reasons for my mood swing that I go through every now and then. We once had a big fight that I was unexpectedly grateful for because that was the day that I realized how truly blessed I am to have a husband like him. He had every reason to hurt me, swear at me, or even raise his voice at me but he chose to keep his cool and let a day go by for us to reflect. I’ve learned to be more understanding of him. Not everything should go my way or even his. Marriage doesn’t work like that.
Sometimes, I ask myself if he’ll stay this way until the end. That’s something I always pray for. I pray that he won’t get tired of being nice to me. Because I know in my heart that I would still choose him even in another life.
This is something personal but I’m sharing this to let you know that in this modern era when people turn to online platforms to search for love and end up being hurt, good men still exist. You just have to be really careful. If you’re still searching for a man who will never make you feel small, just be patient. He will come. Just don’t stop believing. You can keep waiting. Or don’t. The choice is yours to make. Just remember, never settle with someone you aren’t sure about. Never settle with him only to escape loneliness. Being alone is better than being with someone who only thinks of you as an object of sexual desire. Men like that will never change. You don’t have the power to change them but you have the power to choose to spend the rest of your life with a man who sees your worth.
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Yes, you have just read the title right and that is absolutely what I want to reveal of myself. Spell hopeless romantic, it’s S-H-E-R-Y-L! Oh wait~ that’s me! I can’t hide it anymore. I’ve been assuming that I am not but it’s like I’m just fooling myself. It’s like depriving a little girl get a lick of that very first chocolate ice cream in her whole life. It’s like locking yourself up in an untidy closet. Should I be ashamed of it? Maybe not. Ever since I stepped into the world of romantic relationship, I knew from the start that I am this kind of wishful thinking princess. I love imagining romantic movie scenes coming into life and thinking that I was Lucy (50 First Dates). I even want those fanciful flicks to happen to me in real life. I love to love and being loved. Who doesn’t anyway? I easily get touched by small things done by my special someone to the extent of shedding tears. So much of that! Let’s get down to the things that make me feel like falling from a very high cliff.
- I can’t get my boyfriend to watch romantic films.
Of course I enjoy watching them alone but hey, it’s a dream come true when “the feels” are shared. Most especially with the person you love the most. Maybe I just lack that convincing power. Nah~ he’s not just into that stuff. I have to learn to accept that sad fact.
2. I want that #relationshipgoals kind of post on his Facebook.
I’ve seen guys/couples doing those mushy posts and it’s turning me into a green-eyed monster, with all honesty! I did that but I eventually deleted everything. Why? ‘Cause it seems to me that I am the only one who’s head over heels in love with him. I understand that at his age it’s unlikely for him to do such things on Facebook. What will his clients and colleagues think about him? But I feel sad thinking about it.
3. I want to go on a date everyday.
We are in a long distance relationship and it’s impossible for the time being. However, I believe it will come to an end someday. When will that be?
4. Time, please.
I want all his time but it’s not just right. I will be called “the possessive girlfriend” and it’s a big problem. I stay at work 9 hours a day and he works more than that. When you have all the time in the world, then there’s this constant communication. I believe that constant communication makes your love grow fonder. But how can we do it when he is a busy-bee?
5. I want to hear him say the magic words all the time.
As you may know, Korean men, not generally but mostly are known for their “cold/shy personality.” Even Korean dramas can attest to that! I can count the moments he said “I love you” “I miss you”. I just want to be reminded that I am loved. This gives me that feeling of certainty. Is that too much to ask?
These are just the tip of a finger. I can’t pin point every small details that I want my boyfriend to know how much I have fought against myself just to keep him. I want this hopeless romantic girl in me to leave me alone. I want to be free.
Should I wake up and forget about being this princess?
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