What happened to Amy?

I watched Amy 2 days ago. For those who don’t know, it’s a 2015 British documentary movie concerning the life and death of British singer-songwriter Amy Winehouse. I’m not really a fan. Not that I hated her. I just wasn’t exposed to her music during her glorious days. I’ve heard “Rehab” somewhere by chance. But I think that was a few years after her passing. At the time I was more into other music genres. If I’m perfectly honest, I couldn’t relate to that song so I didn’t mind looking her up. I can’t remember exactly but I think I heard the news of her demise from someone in passing to which I didn’t give much of a response. 

I wish I had the right words to express how I felt while watching the film. If I have to try, my emotions were like a roller coaster at some point. I know for sure I’m just a stranger to her but there’s something in her that made me feel strangely sad for her. For some people, her story was just another medium to benefit from. For others, she was just an entertainer that doesn’t matter anymore. 

Thoughts kept dawning on me, one after another while I was trying to make sense of what happened to the once bubbly girl that turned out to be someone too far from who she was. People called her the “troubled diva”, “someone that looks like a whore on heroin” and so on. I guess that’s one of the unpleasant things you get when you’re a public figure. It disgusted me when some TV personalities tried to make fun of her addiction. That to me isn’t funny at all. In the case of Amy, she was broken deep inside. So broken that she couldn’t handle her own shadow. Drugs and boozes became her friends. She had family, friends, and lovers but none of them were able to fix her. She was surrounded by people who claimed to care about her but there was no question of saving her.  

Maybe they tried their best to help her but I guess it wasn’t enough. What tore Amy apart in the first place? Was it her dad leaving her mom for another woman? Perhaps, it was. Perhaps, it wounded her deeply. So deep no one could ever fathom. With her exuberant personality, no one noticed the sadness in her. Maybe they did but pretended as if it was Amy’s fault.

Her fame and money didn’t even cure her. Maybe she just didn’t want to be cured. Was it the drugs that made her unstoppable? Or did she really just want to disappear from everyone? What did she really need to win against her silent battles? Maybe all she needed was her father’s love. His genuine love. A loving father she could run to. Not someone who would use her for his own benefit. A complete family could have made her a different person. Or maybe she was with the wrong people at the wrong time.

What if she grew up in an unbroken home, with her father’s guidance? Would she lead a different life? It’s a shame I will never have the answers I want to hear.

I want to leave this message with a spark of hope it could reach someone and make them think twice.

If you want to marry someone, keep your vows. If you can’t trust yourself to do that, don’t even think about settling down. And before you decide to cheat on your spouse, think about the reason why you married her/him. Think about your innocent kids. They’re vulnerable and mostly the ones who are greatly affected. Your poor choices will have a significant impact on their lives. Lastly, don’t be the reason why someone has to be in constant battle with her demons.

Author: The Pinay Ajumma

1990 | Socially awkward | Chocolate addict

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