Your Wedding Doesn’t Define Your Marriage

This may be irrelevant to people other than myself, but I just can’t stop the rushing juice in my head at the moment. I may be not perfect at words like Shakespeare, but these words of mine are springing straight from the heart.

It’s been a year now that I’m married to the person whom I never fantasized spending the rest of my life with. Exactly on November 23, 2016 (which was my 26th birthday, as well), we commemorated our first wedding anniversary. Romantic dinner at a luxurious restaurant over lovely candlelight with sensual music background? Nope! Here’s the reality.. 😀

Right at our comfy living-slash-dining room. ^=^

We indulged ourselves in my very own spicy chicken adobo recipe (popular Filipino dish), 2 bottles of Japanese drinks, salad and steak freshly bought from a local supermarket. Our simple dinner took us to a walk down memory lane. How we met (ICYMI, you can leaf through here), how we became special to each other, how we survived LDR, and how we ended up tied to each other were bittersweet thoughts of the past that will linger like that of fancy perfume. One that whenever I breathe its momentous scent it will always jog my memory.

Just like the casual wedding anniversary dinner that we had, I gladly recall our unflashy wedding ceremony. I’d like to think that it’s every girl’s dream to have fairy-tale nuptials. A few times, I dreamed of having one back in the day when I was very into rom-com movies. That was also the time when my world was all about Disney. And the time when I would google some celebrities’ weddings. Mostly Filipinos. Fabulous this and that.

In my very early 20s, I deliberately realized that marriage isn’t about how posh your wedding is and has to be. I know a few people with not that posh weddings but ended up separated, divorced (outside the Philippines), enemies, and sadly..strangers. I can’t deny that I’ve asked myself this many times,

“With their flashy wedding how can they put it to waste?”

I also know a few that took out loans in order to have the ceremony that they wanted to have. So what happened next after that was they had to work hard to pay their loans off. There are also these ones who asked funds from their families and relatives to make their dream weddings come to reality. I just can’t imagine doing that to my own folks. I mean I’m shy to do it. Why would I let other people spend their money on my own wedding? Where’s the responsibility now? To them, they call it family ties. I call it lame dependence. And when their marriages become chaotic, who is to be blamed? I don’t mean to be rude or something. I think that’s just reality.

You see, these were enough reasons for me to choose to have a simple but real wedding. By real, I mean it’s because we love each other so we get married not because of anything else. Funny how my husband and I reached a consensus on this matter which for others is a big deal. Hiring people to do this and that and planning every detail about it are things I am not fond of. Call me lazy, thank you. LOL

Besides,  what I was really looking forward to at the time was the chapter of our marriage. Yes, it’s very much satisfying to get your dream wedding but that feeling is likely momentary. So instead of investing in fancy things just for a day, Danny and I opted to save it for our married life phase that we will surely cherish for the rest of our lives.

Our wedding was held in my hometown, Cebu at an average family restaurant with about 40 guests. I didn’t even put on an extravagant wedding gown. Just bought a white dress for over 1,000 pesos (about 20USD) at a mall. No veil. Hired a photographer because, despite the simplicity, we wanted it to be digitally captured apart from keeping it in our hearts. About the guests, I personally didn’t want to invite a lot of people to witness our special day because it wouldn’t matter anyway. What I would like them to witness is how our marriage will be. Let’s say I invited all the people I know. What if my marriage will be over someday? Which means a lot of people will talk about our wedding and why this and that. A lot of drama! Fewer people, less drama. LOL

The thing is, I was really happy that my Danny agreed to a Christian wedding despite his views. This was a very important thing I ever wanted. Another thing is, we were debt free in making that wedding possible. We didn’t even think about having a Korean wedding rite. It was all enough for us. I was thankful for my family for their support on how things we wanted them to be.

In an exciting year of being together,  we traveled to a lot of good places in Japan and 2 beautiful countries and learned a lot of things about each other which have helped us realize how much we mean to each other. So this is what our marriage is all about and this is not just it. The road is still long for us.

I certainly believe in love, not in fancy weddings. However, on the other side of the coin, there are broken marriages with very simple weddings. How’s that now?

Well, now, I must say no matter how fanciful or unadorned your wedding is, the virtue of your marriage doesn’t depend on it. Safe to say, your wedding doesn’t define your marriage.


Author: The Pinay Ajumma

1990 | Socially awkward | Chocolate addict

56 thoughts

  1. Hi Sheryl
    Thank you for liking my post, I highly appreciate it.
    I’ve just browsed your website and read some blog post they are really inspiring. My thoughs on this blog piece agrees strongly with yours. I am sure to let my suster read this blog post of yours as she is getting on thecentury wedding wagon very soon.


  2. We basically eloped! Almost three decades later…The cost of weddings doesn’t make much sense to me. We were also able to put two kids through private colleges! It’s great you did your wedding the way that you could live with! congratulations on one year! Much happiness to your both! 🙂 Blessings, Koko


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