It’s poisonous! Watch out!

Wow! I can’t believe I still get likes and followers despite being muted for 2 months. My heartfelt gratitude goes to all of you loves! I thought I wouldn’t be able to find my way back here. In my 2 months hiatus, my life has gone through roller coaster moments which made my thoughts remain in their chest of comfort. But then again, they’re now knocking on me telling me to let them out.

Here I am again, letting my thoughts out…

To start with, let me tell you that it really pays to wait on that someone special. 2 weeks ago, my boyfriend came back here. Our fourth meeting still feels like our first. I can still feel him until now. It seems like just yesterday. I can still hear his voice whispering my name. I can still feel his caress. I can still hear his laughs and giggles. Does he feel the same way too?

His presence for 5 days here has helped me know him better. I have come to know how he embraces Japanese culture as he’s been living there over 13 years or so. Things like it’s okay to throw your used tissue paper into the toilet, you have to let other people take the taxi if they are the first ones who wait on that corner, placing your elbows on the table is a “No” for Japanese, and the like, have made me realize that we are totally different. We live in two divergent worlds. I’m not going to talk about this stuff, though. Not yet any further. What I want to share is how I almost lost my superman. For once, I made him tired and weak. Like I became a kryptonite to him. It all happened with just a single move. I’d say the worst move ever! I checked his Facebook messenger, all because of curiosity. My trust has been with him since the dawn of our love story. It’s never arguable that I trust him. If not, why would I waste my time waiting on him? Why would I let my heart fall for him? Yet, I was questioned by him just because of what I did. As soon as I saw his chat with his female colleague from Vietnam, my body chilled with I-don’t-know-what-the-hell-I’m-feeling feels. I couldn’t be certain if it was just because of jealousy or there really was something between them. For me it didn’t sound as “just close colleagues”. It was like more than that. It happened on his last night here. Such a bad timing! Instead of cuddling and making that night something special, it turned out to be dramatic. We argued. I wouldn’t deny what I had in mind. “He’s cheating on you!”, my mind said. “No, you have to listen to him and believe him!”, my heart voiced. I was in the middle of confusion, while he lost his temper.

I tried to compose myself. I tried to gather my broken pieces of trust. So, I made up with him. Still I felt incomplete. The next day, we parted ways with smiles on our faces.

Little did I realize that I wasn’t over that chat. As honest as I am, I sent him a message telling him what I really felt about it. Too honest to the extent of telling him “I’m giving up!”. I don’t want to be cheated again. I’ve been in that kind of relationship. For 2 days, we lost the spark. One thing I did that made me change my mind was talking with someone who knows him better than I do. Then, I came to know that he’s indeed a very friendly guy. He could be sweet to any close friends of his. This thing has caused my jealousy to take me over. Who wants to have a guy who could enjoy with other people especially girls without you? I mean, I can’t get to see him whenever I want to because he’s miles away from me. And there he is having a good time with them. Selfish I may be, but I’ve been trying my best to get the hang of it. I weighed all the wonderful things he did to me and this instance. I couldn’t find that thing which would prove me right. Just when I realized how lucky I am to have him, he wanted to let me go. He said he didn’t want to hurt me just because of how he is. He’s afraid that I might end up being jealous again and again. I couldn’t afford to lose him. Not because of my childish jealousy. I asked for another chance. I didn’t mind losing my pride.

That certain moment has taught me these things:

  • Never ever check your guy’s phone. You don’t know what you’re going to see and how it might affect you.
  • Trust is the key to a lasting relationship. Your guy wants you to believe in him no matter what.
  • Never let jealousy eat you out nor poison your mind.
  • You have to know your guy to avoid assumptions.

So, there you have it. Any issues you want to talk about? Or can you suggest more? Feel free to leave your comment below. Thanks for reading! ^_^


Author: The Pinay Ajumma

1990 | Socially awkward | Chocolate addict

10 thoughts

  1. First, I want to say I too have been gone a while (trying to run another business). But though in my absence my blog didn’t get a ton of hits, I’m still surprised by the number of visitors who stopped by! But I also wanted to add that I agree with you about not checking phones or emails out of curiosity. Sometimes what you see can be taken in the wrong context and you end up inventing situations in your mind that may not exist. Hope things turn out well for you.

    Liked by 1 person

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