Am I doing this right?

Hi guys! Have you been doing well? I hope so! In my previous post, I was talking about me choosing happiness after a few months of feeling the pain of letting someone you love go. I feel much better reading your encouraging words and from the bottom of my heart, I’d like to thank you all for letting me know that I did the right thing. Now, I’m back with some things to ask. I might not get any answers here but I’d be relieved to set my thoughts free.

Just when I thought I’d be living happily alone or like an old maiden or something after that experience, I thought I’d be better if I rest my heart and start loving myself again more and more; someone has come and has helped me pick up the broken pieces of my heart. I have no idea why this is happening to me. I only prayed for courage to help me get through this stop off of my journey. Is this the answer to my prayer? You might be wondering how we met. For now, I’d call him here Mr. D. As you may know, I’m a Korean language learner so don’t be surprised if I tell you that I met him on one of the language exchange sites I joined perhaps a year ago.

Last July, I first received an email from him telling me to contact him if I’m interested in learning the language and in return I’ll be teaching him English. At that time, I was in the middle of healing my wounded heart. So, I decided not to reply to any of those mails from those sites and delete them. Then one time I rechecked my mails, I found out a few mails not being deleted. One of those was his. Without second thoughts, I replied. I didn’t wait for any responses. I was kind of busy at work and at the same time struggling with my broken heart. To make it short, we then exchanged emails and texts. My only goal was to learn the language and in return teach him English. One day, we decided to meet on Skype and talk like we were having a lesson. We got along well on our first “free talking class” and on the next days. I thought he was kind so I didn’t bother sparing my time talking to him. Days passed and we still tried to communicate despite our busy lives. He’s been single for 3 years from a failed relationship. Yes, 3 years. Please don’t ask me why. We became Facebook friends and there he found out I was a brokenhearted woman and started reading my blog. I had nothing to hide. Day by day, night by night, we chatted until we got used to it. He would wait for me until I got home from work (I work from 3pm~12am). So he’d always stay up late just to chat with me before going to bed despite his tired body from work. Until one night (on the 14th of November) we seriously talked about our feelings. I can’t remember how we got into that topic. I was certain that I kind of like him. So we got to the point of confessing what we felt for each other. We both conceded we like each other. He even made me smile on my birthday (November 23). But before that, I got him as my best gift. You know what I mean, yeah?

Honestly, he has inspired me to put a smile not only on my face but somewhere below and within me. Hey I’m talking about my heart! Was I mean to let it happen? And oh, I almost forgot, he even enrolled in my company to formally study English with me? I don’t know why we met at that point of time. Should I blame the stars? Where did I go wrong? I’m happy to have him. Is this right? I don’t want to be wrong. Should I fully open my heart to him now? My mind’s saying “not now” but there’s a voice inside of me saying “why not?”

Guess what? He’s coming here to meet me in 2 weeks. I really can’t believe it. Am I ready for this? I should be, right? Sigh. I remember crying myself to sleep for nights and now I can see beautiful colors everywhere.

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